My darling,

Throughout years of error and trial,

Denial of desire, fear over love,

Strength over softness, projects over heart

and independence over surrender…

I'm breaking open, tearing myself away

from the delusions of our world, as they say,

that tells me that being gentle is weakness

and speaking my mind in authentic rage is

caging myself, catching myself in fire,

that my desire and deepest heart's yearning

is something shameful and unheard of,

and that real women never complain,

but grin and bear, bend themselves over backwards,

and suffocate their anger inwards,

then medicate their hearts and souls away,

isolate their pain in a cage, swim against the wave,

do not dream about screaming from tops of mountains,

grieving the lack of depth they encounter

in their surroundings, and inside your very heart's presence…

For you are still so afraid of a woman's emotions,

as it's simply an unhealed part of yourself,

that you'd rather go skin dipping, instead of taking the plunge.

The loyalty of your heart reflected

in the integrity of your deepest presence,

is something I vaguely remember from a past era.

A time when my body wasn't simply an object

you thought you had to possess, to have sex.

Instead of remembering how to reconnect.

Cherish and protect.

No compromise.

No keeping of options.

Oh, God! Break me open!

I'm like a flower depleted of water!

All stubborn and in the dark!

Forcing a leaf to my front!

I keep on turning towards the sun,

but your fears keep that door shut!

Like a last nail in my coffin

the refusal to live your deepest purpose

drives my despair over the edge!

So I scream: "Bury the dead! Bury the dead!" and

"All beginnings lead to an end!"

With my verbal violence I spike you through the head,

pretending not to care for my manslaughter.



Having to hold the fort in your absence,

Tightening all of my soft parts and insides,

Believing that a woman has to be strong…

I've depleted myself.

So centered at pleasing at my own expense,

this vision of your firm embrace, strong and unwavering,

sweeping my ambivalence off her feet…

at times simply seems like a dream,

an impossible echo!

" Shine your light on me! "

" Search for me! See me! "

Shine your light on me…

Search for me… See me….

Reveal me!